Where the Heart is: Letter to my Parents

*Ok...I'm really mentally tired from writing a 11 page (no double space!) plot for a play. The sentence structure and errors may be in abundance. Please bear with me and know that this too shall pass :-)*


Just sitting at the computer catching up on the latest blog gossip @FirstKlassMail here on blogspot. I'm minding my own business and my mother lays a cup of Kool Aid down next to the computer table. The same woman who not 10 minutes ago fussed at me for leaving the oven on...

I take a sip of the Kool Aid and realize that it's a can of her Arizona Mango Ice Tea...smh...I'm such a jerk.

Dear Momma: I secretly love you more than anyone else. I listen to everything you say. I feel uneasy not heeding your advice. I get homesick for your voice. You are the wisest woman I know.

I admit, the last 10 years with me as a daughter hasn't been easy. We didn't always getting along. This due to my lack of being able to communicate my feelings. I'm very private and afraid of rejection. I never want you to reject me. I love you to much for you to reject me...so sometimes I keep the other side of me to myself. I'm honestly trying to change that. I'd love to share with you the way other girls share with their mothers.

But I love you...and I've opened up to you on some of the toughest situations. I sit there and just wait a good thirty minutes next to you. You can tell that I have something to say but you never rush me. I eventually talk...sometimes I can't talk due to fear, sometimes it's excitement, other times I'm just trying to say it right. Yet, you always taught me to say what you need to say. I think it comes from me being cronically non-confrontational. I hate confrontation...of course when push I push back. However I'm that person that cries in a fight. Not because I'm scared...but because you're digging...forcing me to open up. You say to me all the time that all anyone can ever give me as an answer is "Yes" or "No". While no is harder to take than yes, that's all the power anyone ever has over me. You noticed that I had an irrational fear of using the telephone. I hated the ringing, and I especially hated the "hello" from the other end. You told me to stop acting crazy, and I realized that I was being neurotic. You shape my thought and actions whether I agree with you or not. I respect you even though I don't always do things to your approval. At times I have to fight you for you to see that I am my own woman. But never will I love someone the way I love you. You have the keys to more than my heart. Thinking about the way you know me and the way you know my mind...a deeper connection to my thoughts I will never know (Except God ofcourse). Thanks for having me. Thanks for being my mom. Thank God for the woman you've become. I love you.

Dear Daddy:

I'm about to be 23 years old and I will always call you "daddy". You're a real man: a hard worker, a stern teacher, a storyteller, annoying, playful...all those things a man is. I hope to find a guy if not as good as you then better...I'm not settling down for anyone. I admire your persitence and perserverence. What you lack in formal education you've taught yourself (this is making me cry). Watching sitting at the dining room table for hours into the morning reading book after book about construction and handy work....you're so amazing. You're amazing in the quiet way that makes you a man. You don't brag about the things you do because you know that is what expected of you...I appreciate that. I appreciate the fact that you stayed in New York to work while your family moved to Alabama in order to give us a better life. You're stoic in the hardtimes...and if you do show any emotions it is that of happiness. I get my laid-back spirit from you. You can be mean and a smart alec...and I get that from you. But even when you're messing with me and I'm trying not to laugh I end up laughing any way. I love you and appreciate you for giving me so much of your character. I love you because it comes natural.

I can still remeber...even though I was a tiny girl months and months without seeing you. I may have been 3 or four...you were in New York. It was the holidays and I was in mom's old room upstairs. The radio was playing "I'll be home for Christmas". That was the first time I was ever moved to tears by a song...I wiped my tears and went to mom and thought about you. I love you and I wish I could take care of you the way you've taken care of me.

It's clear that you two are the very best parents I could ever have. I wouldn't trade you two for younger parents and I don't ever want you two to ever be ashamed of me. A part of me lives and strives for being the best because of you. God, thank you for such divine inspiration.